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About Janis |
Bill Borg |
Humor Page |
InFocus Home |
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How to read between the lines of job ad
| What the Job Ad Says | What it Means |
| Advancement opportunity | Shit job |
| Entry level | Really shit job |
| No experience necessary | The mother of all shit jobs |
| Administrative Assistant | Shit job with a title |
| Ground floor opportunity | Shit job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year |
| Team player | Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid personalities |
| Upbeat personality | Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug & alcohol rehab benefit within the first year |
| Word processing skills essential | There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future |
| Public relations | Receptionist |
| Professional appearance important | $20 K/year job that requires a $100 K/year wardrobe |
| Pleasant telephone manner | Be the voice of 1-900-SUCK |
| Earn up to $300/hour! | Be 1-900-SUCK |
| Salary range $24,000 to 32,000 | The salary is $24,000 |
| Jeans job! | Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions |
| Will train | Prior conviction of a felony or two no problem |
| B.A. required, Master's preferred | Must be a M.A. willing to work on a B.A. salary |
| Civil service | This job was filled from the inside six months ago |
| Women & minorities encouraged to apply | White males need not waste the stamp |
| Outstanding benefits package | Health insurance |
| Tons of variety! | We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do and rolled them into one job |
| Top-notch communication skills | Telemarketing |
| Beautiful offices in attractive location | Brand new ticky-tacky windowless building where the picture frames all match the carpeting |
| Secretary | Woman-only job with the responsibilities of management and wages of a migrant worker |
| Executive Secretary | The most powerful position in any company |
| Dedicated | You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week from now until we force you into early retirement |
| Salary commensurate | We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like |
| Salary negotiable | We'll take the lowest bidder |
| Competitive salary | We'll pay you up to 10 percent more than your last job, and not one penny more |
| Competitive starting salary | Ten cents above minimum wage |
| Pleasant atmosphere | A staff of pod people |
| Professional atmosphere | Zombie pod people |
| Fun, creative atmosphere | Pod people from hell |
| Dynamic atmosphere | Zombie pod people from hell |
| Gal Friday | Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it |
| Self-starter | Open to very broad interpretation since no one really knows what this means |