Copperhead Squadron
Report #3
8.26.2001 - COL Miackus
Copperhead Squadron Report 3
From the desk of Colonel Miackus
FLEET NEWS
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1. TOKEN AVENGER TASK FORCE NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM.
Avenger Task Force formed, VA Firefox new BGCOM. And there was much scratching of heads.
2. TOKEN LOGISTICS OFFICE NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM
LO/AD Ramos un-resigns and there was much anger.
3. OTHER COMMAND OFFICER RESIGNINGS
IO/FA AbsoluteK stepped down from his position of IO, Ari new IO. IWCOM/AD Figaro steps down, then unresigns (How uncool) CA:FC/AD Khan Resigns(no big loss there then.), CA:RO/VA Fondor Resigns and CA:TAC/VA Trout Trooper resigns. Seems there's a big trend in stepping down or something.
4. COMMENDATION OF LOYALTY AWARDED
The CoLs have been awarded. The three people that got one from this wing are Dengar March, Nightmare and Duncan Idaho. I didn't get one and there was much weeping.
5. TO COMPETITIONS
TO Competitions end tommorow. Go do them or else! Rules at www.imperialacademy.org
6. TOKEN NEWSLETTER ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM
Newsletter 77 out. Yay.
WING NEWS
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1. MUSICAL COMMANDER CHAIRS
The flag officers of the Intrepid had a game of musical chairs. I retained my place through pure muscle. Brakka is the new Asp CMDR and Nightmare is the new Krayt CMDR. Congrats to them...And me for winning Musical Chairs.
2. WING ACTIVITY COMPETITION
Wing Activity competition announced. More Information on http://www.geocities.com/dengarmarch. This, as well as the ASF:SCIII are top priority. Expect an email about this pretty soon.
Points are as follows:
Fly a Battle(1 point per mission)- 5 point
Fly a Free Mission- 1 point
Complete a IWATS Course- 6 points
Win an LoC- 3 points
Write fiction- 1-8 points(Depending upon my rating)
Create graphics- 1-8 points(Depending upon my rating)
Make an EH related webpage- 5-12 points(Depending upon my rating)
Recruit a new member to this Wing- 15 points
Appear on IRC when I am on- 8 points(first time only)
Create a TC uniform for someone- 10 points
Saying that Miack is really sexy - 200 points
3. ASF:SCIII
Uh...I pretty much covered this in the last news item, the points system is as follows:
Participation in Multiplayer Competition - 1 point
Gaining LoC - 10 points a LoC
DFC (five wins) - 15 points
FCHG/Combat Rating Ranks Gained - 50 points
Single Player Mission completion - 2 points
Battle Completion - 2 points/mission
Mission Creation - 5 points
Battle Creation - 10 points
Fiction - 8 points
Graphics - 5 points
Recruitment - 50 points (looks like Rekio's got this competition in the bag, so to speak)
Iwats course - 15 points
Medals earned(?) - 2 points
Squadron Citations - 10 points
Saying that I am godlike - 500,000 points
This competition is top priority! I want to get a good showing in this competition.
SQUADRON NEWS
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1. I WIN SOME MULTIPLAYER MATCHES!!! WOOHOO!
I won 3 (count 'em 3!) Multiplayer Matches. All hail me! Oh yeah, LT Viet beat me meaning that hes got a FCHG point. Yay. I still reckon it was luck though. And I stubbed my toe and stuff.
2. FLIGHT LEADER POSITION
After much thought, I have appointed LCM Machinari as flight leader of Flight 3. It took me at least 3 dice rolls to decide it.
3. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT
I like Cake.
THE COPPERHEAD MORALE OFFICE
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"Hello, It's m337y here isn't it? And here's the latest guide on Drivin' isn't it?
Chapter Two: Getting To Wherever the Hell You're Going
Now that you've been introduced to the many exciting demonic creatures who inhabit the roads of the world, it's time to cover the actual process of getting from point A to point B. To temporarily stall the process of humanity's inevitable devolution into a bunch of violent apes in sports cars, the world's governments have decided to scatter street signs along the roads and highways. These small, tarnished, metal signs are the only safeguard which keeps our society from literally falling apart. Of course, nobody really pays any attention to or obeys these street signs, so it's a real testament to human nature that we haven't already nuked our planet into a series of kidney-sized chunks.
The Signs of Safety: The Stop Sign(Pictures Attached)
The most common street sign you will ever encounter is the stop sign. Although the more ignorant and gullible members of society may interpret this sign as meaning "stop", the more savvy drivers of the world know otherwise. The stop sign isn't really a concrete rule, as it is more of a helpful suggestion like, "if you have nothing better to do and you're not in a hurry, you may want to consider stopping or at least slowing down to under 100 miles an hour." Many people don't understand why there are so many stop signs throughout the globe, but this is because they simply can't see the "big picture". All governments are in cahoots with the major oil companies, choosing to place stop signs every six feet along residential and city streets. The abundance of these signs results in increased gasoline usage, therefore making the oil industry ungodly amounts of money. I've been told by some of my friends who live deep in the woods that the UN and Area 51 is somehow involved, but I'm fairly sure that UFOs don't use gasoline. I think they're powered by coal.
Although the basic shape and design of stop signs are the same, small details may vary from place to place. Attached are a few examples of signs from around the world.
To show the world you're a real intelligent guy who's "in the know", you should ONLY come to a halt at the stop sign if one of the following requirements are met:
There is a car traveling across the street at an intersecting angle.
A crippled woman, retarded child, or nun is crossing the street in front of you (in which case you should start honking your horn and make colorful, animated gestures if they haven't passed by in two seconds). If it's a crippled, retarded nun, you should give her an extra four seconds before flooring it.
The transmission just fell out of your car and your vehicle won't move.
In any other case, you should either slow down to below Mach 4 or at least look to the left and right for any incoming cement trucks. It is perfectly acceptable to run through a stop sign if you fall into any of these criteria:
You're in a hurry.
You were in a hurry.
You will hypothetically be in a hurry sometime in the near future.
Due to temporary insanity, you have forgotten where the brakes are.
You are afraid there's a bomb in your vehicle which will cause it to detonate if it comes to a complete halt.
The voices in your head command you to constantly travel at 87 miles an hour or the Dark Lord Lucifer will become displeased and cause the crops in Iowa to whither and decay.
You think a crazed policeman with a waling siren and flashing lights is stalking you and you're simply trying to escape. I mean, he could be the guy from "Psycho Cop Returns"!
Your car is one of those "newer Japanese models" that don't decelerate.
There's a bug on the acceleration pedal you're trying to squish.
You're pregnant (works only for women and fat feminine men).
There is a kickin' Men Without Hats song on the radio and you can't help but "rock out".
You're about to miss "Silk Stockings" on the USA Network.
All of those excuses are perfectly legit things to say when attempting to talk yourself out of a speeding / traffic ticket, so feel free to use them when pulled over. If that doesn't work, attempt to bribe the officer with some of the loose change in your glove compartment. If that fails as well, try to take his gun and sell it back to him.
And finally...Another complaint!
Dear m337y
After your complaint reply last week, I have to say I was shocked by how much violence you have. I am a nun, and I call for peace in such matters.
Nun McNun
Phare.
m337y says: "Oh yeah? Well why don't you come down to my manor? And bring some of your nun mates with you - as many as you like. Then we'll see how hard this Jesus geezer is."
ACTIVITY
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Col Miackus
Wrote this kick ass report !!!
got 3 LoC's
Took part in EuroLoC
Took part in zone sunday
LT Viet
Gained a LoC
Took part in EuroLoC
CPT Julian Clary
kept in contact and was seen on IRC
MAJ Lusankya
Was seen on IRC,AIM
Kept in contact via E-mail.
LC Brakka
Was seen on IRC
Kept in contact via E-mail
Got CMDR of ASP squadron
LT Machinari
Kept in contact via E-mail
Flew TC-TIE10
LT Krennon
no contact
Site of the Week:
http://www.angelfire.com/zine/nono/
CMDR/COL Miackus/Copperhead/Wing XIV/ISD Intrepid
SS/BSx2/PCx3/ISMx2/MoI/LoC/CoB/OV [CNTR] {IWATS-SM/2}