Copperhead Squadron
Report #1
8.12.2001 - COL Miackus
Copperhead Squadron Report...1 (I've forgot how many I've done)
From the desk of Colonel Miack
FLEET NEWS
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1. EPISODE 2 TITLE ANNOUNCED - ATTACK OF THE CLONES!
Not quite so much Fleet News, but it's pretty big anyway. Yes, as you've probably heard Episode 2s title is going to be attack of the clones, and, quite frankly, I think this new title sucks.
2. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT
The Logistics Office insulted every ship in the TC or something. And there was much scratching of heads.
3. NEW EUROLOC TIME!
The time for Euroloc has been changed to Saturdays, 9:00 - 12:30AM EST (2:00 - 5:30 PM)
4. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT #2
Emperorshammer.org updated! I've included this because it's a rare occurrence. And there was much rejoicing.
5. TOKEN TACTICAL OFFICE NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM
The Tactical Officer's network is down or something, and he will be at a diminished capacity. And there was much sniggering.
WING NEWS
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1. WING MEETING
There was a wing meeting yesterday at 8:00 PM EST (1:00 AM GMT). I didn't attend because it was too late so I don't know how it got on.
2. WC/MAJ DENGAR MARCH ON LEAVE UNTIL 13 (TOMMOROW!)
Dengar is on semi-leave until the 13th. Have a good vacation, Dengar.
SQUADRON NEWS
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1. CPT JULIAN "TOM" CLARY TRANSFERS INTO COPPERHEAD
CPT Julian "Tom" Clary transferred into the squadron this week, and he's already kicking ass and taking names. Just don't ask him anything about the "Save the Relentless Fund", the money was just resting in his account and was waiting to be moved on.
2. CITATIONS!
With the arrival of CPT Clary the squadron's citation count stands at 48! With this influx of citations "Tom" has made a citations plan/table, which should be up on the Copperhead website within a couple of days. If you can't wait to get your grubby hands on it, email me and I'll send you a copy of it.
3. MAJ LUSANKYA RETURNS FROM EMERGENCY LEAVE
After having a few computer problems (I.E. It blew up) MAJ Lusankya has got his computer sorted. I hope my advice of smacking it until something appears on the monitor worked!
4. LT KRENNON SIGHTINGS
LT Krennon, the wings biggest mystery, has been reportedly been spotted roaming the cargo bays of the Intrepid. Krennnon, who has never been seen by anyone in the squadron (apart from a rare photograph which is attached) is thought to be residing in Cargo Bay 93. Several mechanics who have "seen" him/her/it said that Krennon was stealing their dinner and before they could catch him, he disappeared into the ventilation shafts. If you do spot Krennon DO NOT APPROACH HIM! He is thought to be rabid.
A recent picture of LT Krennon.
THE COPPERHEAD MORALE OFFICE
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"Hello, I'm Jimmy, um...I mean m337 w4900n the l33t h4x0r wolf-man, Copperhead Morale officer. To keep in with current trends I have changed my name, and become a l33t h4x0r. ph33r! Anyway, this morale report is all about...Driving!
Most people consider driving merely a way to get from point A to point B, just another boring method of transportation. Now...most people are stupid. Driving represents an externalisation of the ultimate conflict which rages inside every human being, the need to fully realise who we are and where we are going in our lives. It is an expressive action which opens up a window to every persons' soul, revealing their inner desires and a shockingly accurate representation of their true nature. Actually, now that I think about it, I guess driving really is just another boring method of transportation. My mistake.
CHAPTER 1 : KNOW YOUR ENEMIES
Before actually getting in your car and going somewhere, you should become familiar with the various people who inhabit the highways and byways of America, the individuals whose sole purpose on Earth is to congest the roadway ahead of your vehicle and cause you to get into a fiery hellish inferno of destruction. These enemies come in a variety of different forms, spanning every ethnic and physical description possible. Every class of driver has their own distinct "Sphere of Awareness" factor, a measurement which describes exactly how aware of their surrounding environment these people are. Study the following guide and become well versed on each group. It just may save your life.
ENEMY #1 - THE HOMEBOYZ
SPHERE OF AWARENESS: Miles, as they're continuously scanning the horizon for rival Homeboyz, potential dating material, and anybody with a louder stereo system than theirs.
CHANCES OF ENCOUNTER: High
AVERAGE SPEED: Below the speed limit
DRIVING STYLE: Aggressive
DESCRIPTION: There are four primary types of Homeboyz to be aware of: white, black, Hispanic, and Asian. Other groups, such as the Icelandic Homeboyz and the Norwegian Homeboyz, probably exist, but don't have such a strong presence. The Homeboyz can be easily spotted thanks to an early warning detection system known as "sticking your head outside the window." If you hear a faint, repetitious thumping noise, you can be almost sure that a Homeboy is somewhere within a 15 mile radius of your automobile. Homeboyz vehicles are notorious for going against the "traditional" vehicle cost structure (how the majority of the money invested in the vehicle is spent) which is as follows:
1) The car itself
2) Additional safety features
3) Burglar protection system
Instead, the cost structure for Homeboyz cars is as follows:
1) Stereo system
2) Tires
3) Spoiler / stick-on decals that display their car manufacturer's name in gigantic letters
The actual cost of the car ranks somewhere around 158th place, right below "crown-shaped air freshener". As a result, you will see many Homeboyz driving around in "souped up" (read as: "has car doors from a totally different vehicle") cars like stolen and recently impounded Hondas. Despite having an above average Sphere of Awareness, Homeboyz are usually reclined back in their seats to the point where the top of their forehead is well below the dashboard. Many scientists studying the habits of Homeboyz were at a loss to explain how they were able to see their surroundings through the metal and plastic of the car, at least until Dr. Rex Mendoza was able to capture a Homeboy-mobile and examine the interior. He was surprised to learn that Homeboyz have actually evolved to their driving style, featuring something dubbed a "Homeboy Periscope" which allows them to see the road in front of their car while being submerged up to five feet below the dashboard. If you encounter a Homeboy, do NOT under any circumstances look in its general direction, as the glare from all the chrome of the vehicle and the 10 cubic tons of imitation gold around their necks will instantly blind you.
Coming Next Week...Enemy #2 and #3! The Elderly Couple About To Die and Short Japanese Woman in a Cute Little Sport-Utility Vehicle
And to round off this report...Link of the Week!
http://www.unicorn-dream.co.uk/destrier/
This site is dedicated to those people who want to transform into horses! I know I do!"
ACTIVITY
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Col Miackus
Wrote this kick ass report
Flew TC-Tie 2,TC-TIE57,TC-TIE18
CPT Julian Clary
Flew TC-XvT 15
Kept in contact via E-mail.
Wrote Ciatation plan.
Took part in zone sunday
MAJ Lusankya
Was seen on IRC
Kept in contact via E-mail.
LC Brakka
Was seen on IRC
Kept in contact via E-mail
completed IWATS ASP course (100%!!!!!!!!)
LT Machinari
Flew TC-XvT 7
Kept in contact via E-mail
LT Krennon
Contact via E-mail.
CMDR/COL Miackus/Copperhead/Wing XIV/ISD Intrepid
SS/BSx2/PCx3/ISMx2/MoI/LoC/CoB/OV [CNTR] {IWATS-SM/2}