Out smarted by a fish…(again)

Goldie looked up at me when I posed her the question: "Why is your pond water so green? Her large unblinking eyes stared up and she shook her head in disgust. You are asking me??? You’re the one mucking things up. Things were real nice here all by myself, a few plants to nibble on and sleep in. Then you brought in that glutton, Blackie, then Shark , and Wilbur, and let’s not forget Franswa that Japanese Koi with the French mustache. You are the one who had to feed them that high Protein diet. This pond is starting to smell like a locker room. Oh did I tell you we all got together and well er.. we made babies!

It was starting to make sense. OK, I replied how do you propose we fix this.

Goldie shot back "This is your pond you fix it!"

"Goldie I cannot remove any of your fish buddies or your babies!" I told her softly. "Help me with this mess!" "Where do I start?"

She began "You start where you end and you arrive where you started!" "You Americans always thinking thing are all in a line and the line begins and ends. If I swim to the other end of the pond I swim back. If the sun rises in the morning it sets at night then it is dark and the sun rises again. The water runs into the pump over the waterfall into the pond and into the pump. It all has to do with circles.

I could tell this was going to be one of Goldies revolving logic conversations. I picked up my cup of coffee, it was going to be a long, long story.

Goldie continued: "The water is green because all the fish pooped in it. The poop was picked up by the pump and processed by the bacteria. Then the algae used the processed poop and made green slime. Then everyone ate the Slime(algae) and pooped some more. The poop was picked up by the pump and processed by the Bacteria… Then you feed all of us but it was real cold that day and the food did not get digested very well and we pooped it out. That was picked up by the pump and processed by the bacteria and all of that processed poop was used by the Algae to make more green slime. Then you placed some plants in the pond that picked up the processed poop before the Algae could get it so some of the algae died and was sucked up by the pump and processed by the bacteria and then we ate the plants because the tasted better than the food pellets so there was less plants to starve the algae so the Algae grew more slime and we Pooped more now because the plants unclogged our bowels. That was picked up by the pump."

By now Goldie was in her glory telling me all about all the circles. With each new circle she swam faster and faster in more elaborate circle patterns. "Stop!" I cried: "You are making me dizzy!"

She shook her head: "Think of each food pellet as a small green food color dye. You place lots of drops of dye in but you never take any out!"

"I put a filter in the system!" I protested

"That is nice!" She said. "But your filter only provides a home for the Bacteria. It does not remove anything! In fact it gives the Algae lots of processed poop to feed on! You need more large plants!"

"But you ate the plants I put in the water last week!" I cried. "Everything I do you undo! What about that water lily?"

"The water lily was a nice touch in that it shaded the algae from getting light but it did nothing for removing the processed poop then Franswa dug it up and moved it to the other side of the pond." Goldie giggled. "There must be at least a weeks worth of food in this pond if you include all the plants you gave us!"

I asked: "Goldie can I just kill off the algae with this herbicide or light blocking food coloring?

Goldie’s eyes opened in horror and she swam very fast in circles "Noooooooo!" she cried "If you kill off the algae all the processed poop will pile up and the dead algae will be sucked up by the pump and make more processed poop, then the poop will steal all the oxygen from the water and we will all die and be sucked up by the pump and be processed !" Goldie was swimming very fast in very small circles.

I looked at Goldie, I was frustrated, I was back where I had started and my head was spinning. I was the one who had put all the stuff in the pond. I was the one who placed food in the pond for all the stuff in the pond both plants and fish. I was the one who put the filter on the pond to process the poop to feed the algae. Then to Goldie’s horror I just about put a poison in the pond to fix the results of all the other stuff I had put in the pond. My pond was looking like the waste basket by my desk! I know I’ll drain the pond and put new water into it! Then I can put all the stuff back into the pond and it will work and ….I can drain the water again in a week !"

Goldie looked up at me "New water will be a nice change in here as long as you take care of the Chlorine first "

I’ll do that if it will make Goldie happy but the thought of the cost and time involved each week did not seem like this was such a good idea either.

Goldie slowed down her circle swimming. "If you put some plants up in that gravel bar the plants roots will take up the processed poop before the water gets back to the pond! You will not have to worry about any of us eating your precious plants. Then when the plants leaves die you can remove the plant parts before it gets into the pump and is processed into more plant food.! If you feed us more fresh pants, like duckweed and lettuce , we will not eat those water lilies you paid so much money for!"

What a concept! Put the plants up were the fish cannot get them! "Goldie we need to talk about your love life"

Mark Paulsen

Scenic Harbor Nursery

http://www.techline.com/~frazzle